Zaneta Baran

I grew up in a typical polish family in a small town in the south of Poland. Stress, rush and worry were there on a daily basis in my life. As a kid, I was always really stressed, I always had to have the best grades at school, I always had to do everything above average and I was always nervous about what my dad was going to say. When I was growing up, I was nervous about what people would say about my behaviour and my decisions. When I got older, I had  constant headaches and couldn’t sleep. I was playing a strong women whilst suffering with depression and anxiety.

All the conversations that were happening around me, were about how life is hard, how scared my family is about the future or what bad things have been happening to my friends. People were talking about their friends and family in a really negative way and were looking for gossip. Everyone was judging each other, and I was there, one of them.

Then I left Poland. I started travelling, I saw people happy, just simply happy. My life started looking differently. I started to think that there is no need to be worried and life is amazing. But I was still nervous, worried about future days. My way of thinking, which was developed across the years, couldn’t just go away. I got to the point where I was working on myself, but I met a person who couldn’t understand the happiness of life. It didn’t help. I went back to the beginning, depressed and stressed. I started looking for help. Reading books about communication, manipulation, motivation and so on. It helped in the short term, but not the long term. I decided to travel again. After leaving for my journey, I started looking for something and I think I found it.

Calmness & Happiness

Do you know The Secret?

Do you know the book The Secret? It is what inspired me to name this blog series – The Secret Of Life.

The Secret is a best-selling 2006 self-help book by Rhonda Byrne, based on the earlier film of the same name. It is based on the pseudoscientific law of attraction which claims that thoughts can change the world directly.

based on Wikipedia. The Law of attraction – it is what I believe in. You can create your own reality by your own thoughts. Throughout my whole life, I have examples of how much the power of wanting something made this happen in my life.

This book helped me go through the most hardest moments in my life. Some day I will write about it in a book. After a while I forget about this position, but today I came back to this book. I came back because I found calmness and happiness. Just this year someone showed me how to live differently and reminded me about The Secret. Now, I’m not an expert and I will not teach you how to live, but it feels like I know The Secret finally and I would like to share it with you within this series, my experiences and thoughts.

What is the secret of a happy life?

In this series, I will start by sharing with you important points that have been shared with me. There are a couple of things that you can develop to help you live happily. I will share with you words and lessons of someone who has done the impossible in my life. I will call him Z for the needs of this post.

Find the good in people

Z always tries to find the good in people. He always finds explication of people’s ehaviour. He says

Ze look, people have good intentions. Look at this guy, he is trying to help you. Maybe he is not experienced enough and maybe you are a difficult client for him. He seems unprofessional to you, but maybe he just never had this kind of case and he doesn’t know how to deal with it.

Think positively

Z always thinks positively. He doesn’t talk nor think about negative things. Never, and I mean it. When people start talking about negativity, he just switches off. It is really often when Z doesn’t check Facebook because it has too much negativity on his timeline.

Z says:

Ze, don’t think about it. Look, it doesn’t need to be a negative event for you. It is a challenge, when you know how to deal with this guy, you will know how to deal with the most difficult people. Be happy about it.

You attract what you think about

Z is crazy about it and he is not fake about it. Example? He doesn’t want to listen or talk about having a baby, in any way, even in jokes. Only because of the fact that he does not want to have a baby at the moment.

Z says:

I will not talk about it. Don’t make situations where it makes me think about it.

or

I will do it, you believe in me and I believe in myself. I will not listen to someone who will tell me that it will be the opposite and I will not allow anyone to put it to my mind.

Power of the conversation

Z talks and explains. He talks a lot by the way. But he always believes in the power of conversation. There’s never been a situation when we’ve had a problem and we didn’t talk about it. Z always makes it easier to have a conversation. He will cuddle you and say:

Ze, sit down here. Let’s just talk about it. Tell me what you want and let’s find a compromise.

And he really does it. He just truly wants to do it. We never argue, we can just talk through things for hours and be the happiest people in the world at the end.

Focus on one thing

Z believes that multitasking is a stress to the human body and mind. Focusing only on one thing in this world will lead you to the success.

Z would say:

There is no way that you will not get whatever you want if you focus enough. Your body and mind needs rest to be effective. Then you are ready to put all your energy into achieving what you really want to.

Be ready for improvements

Z never stops and he is always open, open for improvements.

He always says:

Ze, it is not a bad situation as long as you are improving. You just made huge progress.

You cannot imagine how much easier everything becomes when people are open for progress. I remember when I met Z and I thought that we cannot be in each others lives as we are just too different. After one year, we are best friends because both of us were ready to improve ourselves. He learnt how to plan and organise life and I learnt how to be more relaxed about things.

Listen without judgement

You cannot imagine how many people live in fear of judgement. I am one of them. I remember my previous relationship, I was literally scared to say anything to my boyfriend that time. Z showed me that it can be different in life. Z listens without judgement. He is the first person I have ever met who truly doesn’t judge others. I can tell him literally everything about my life.

I understand, you had a reason to do it. No worries, it is life. Don’t be hard on yourself.

People are all connected

Z believes that people are all connected in a lot of ways which we don’t understand. We are connected to the system of life. When we sit down on the beach, Z says:

Look, we are all connected. This person crossing our road, this tree on the left, this little flower. We don’t understand the world, but it is something more than we think. The world is connected and we are here right now because we are supposed to be here.

The end doesn’t exist, it is just a transition

Z keeps repeating that there is nothing like the end of things. It is just a part of the transition in life. Listen to this story

Look, someone from my family died but I cannot be sad about it. It is just a stage of my life. The world works in a circle. We live, die and live again. There is no such a thing like the end, it is just a transition.

Trust the process

It is the sentence I learnt first. It is one of the main points that gave me true calmness in my life.

Z always says:

Trust the process. Believe in the process. Live life. Somewhere there, there is already a plan for you. You got this difficult case because you were supposed to get it. It will lead you to something big in your life.

Z is amazing about it. Trust me, this guy is going through a really difficult time in his life and he will just say:

I lost this job because I needed time for something more important in my life. There is a reason why I met you and why you met me. If I hadn’t have lost this job, I wouldn’t have found my passion.

Can you image talking like this when you have lost your job and don’t have a penny?

Just try…

I know, all of it can sound weird and I fully understand it. Z didn’t want to talk about it to me for a while. He always used to say that I was not ready. Gradually, I was learning more and more from him. Maybe we both look like weirdos right now but happy and calm weirdos. I am not saying that I don’t get upset or nervous, I do a lot. But Z is always there reminding me what life is about. And trust me, I keep saying that in a year, I am the most calmest and happiest version of myself, ever. I am not here to give you lessons and tell you what to do, but I would like to share my experiences. If I can help just one person, it will be still worth it.

PINT ME!

Editor – Natasha Jay O’Neil, please contact Natasha directly for queries related to her services.